Transitions

Transitions abound. We have settled in Seattle and now it's time for me to stop using the 'we just moved here' excuse and get started with the things I have neglected over the last few months with all the chaos. It's time.

Some of those things are:

Yoga- I did it for the first time today (after a few weeks of "I really need to start that up again") and boooooooooy...did I feel the several month lapse. I am not flexible to begin with- yoga just helps me look less UN-flexible - and today my muscles were screaming for me to stop, well, USING them. Sorry muscles. It's time.

Art- I have an Etsy shop that has been a long time coming where sell hand painted children's clothes. No stencils or templates, just me n' my paintbrush. Today I went to pick up some new items to paint and post. It's time.

Juicing- This is a new one. I have read and reread Kris Carr's Crazy Sexy Diet and there are several posts on here from when I was doing the 21 Day Adventure Cleanse. I have long been downing green smoothies, but never had a juicer to try that mode of green veggie consumption. Soon after we moved I scored a really affordable used juicer off a local list-serve I'm on. Really high quality, really expensive juicer, barely used, for waaaaaaaay less than I could ever buy it new (I probably couldn't buy it new). It was such an awesome score. That was several months ago and I kept putting off actually trying it out (it required that I READ DIRECTIONS. Very difficult. ) But finally yesterday I tried it and it was everything I thought it would be. I went out right away and got more good greens to stuff down the shoot and used it again today. It was great.

Mmmm tasty. 

Let's drink to transitions.

I need to stop being an apologist when it comes to my creative output.

Most of the time, I am painting, drawing or writing for Myself- and Myself thinks the products from that creativity are awesome in every way. No problem there. However, more and more frequently, I am commissioned to do something for someone else and am therefore getting paid for that creativity either by someone buying the finished product, or by someone commissioning something. That is when the ugly horns of Low Self Esteem attach themselves to my head and refuse to budge.

I am not, in general, a person for whom low self esteem is a problem. Not since I got out of college, became comfortable in my own skin, stopped caring what everyone else thought, and started realizing that, well...I like myself. So why is it that when I paint something for myself, I think its great; but when someone else is paying for it, I feel like its not good enough, or I feel the need to apologize for it in some way. Sometimes, the price I think my time is worth starts getting lower and lower in my head until if I let it go, I would be paying them to take the finished product.

Why do I feel like its good enough for me, but not good enough for someone else to spend money on.

All of this makes setting a price difficult for me. "I mean, just because you spent three hours of your time on it, doesn't mean that someone would want to pay what you feel your time is worth", my Head says, "because what if it doesn't look like you spent that much time on it" or "What if the finished product isn't exactly what they had in mind when they commissioned it?"

My time is important to me. At this stage in my life, if I'm working on a project for someone, most of the time I'm doing it at the expense of time with my son or family. This is a beneficial trade off- because my creative life is important and nurtures my soul- so I'm not begrudging that at all. I'm just saying that my time comes at a price, and I should honor that price by charging accordingly.

I paint well. Things look like what I intend them to be, and the finished products are quality. I should honor that by charging accordingly.

Not by overcharging, but by charging what's fair, and most of all- by giving the finished product its due respect in my own mind.

I'm reading a book right now, that I got years ago, but recently rediscovered. Its called Women Who Run With the Wolves: Myths and Stories of The Wild Woman Archetype by Clarissa Pinkola Estes. I will discuss it more in a book post, but she has a chapter devoted to the discussion of creativity that is especially relevant to this issue of undervaluing one's creative life. I will probably read this one chapter again and again- hoping that the ideas will sink in replace the current negative revolving thought patterns, ones that undervalue the products of my creativity and pick at imagined artistic faults. 

Here's to running with the wolves.