Lucky for me, I am a ridiculous person and therefore often provide myself with blog fodder, just by being. The following is an example. Originally posted on my old blog in September 2007, it is my favorite self-written post ever.
Please enjoy at my expense.
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SEPTEMBER 10, 2007
JUST YOUR FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD CRAZY...OUT FOR A DRIVE
Ever have one of those moments that start out as a well intentioned endeavor but, in the span of usually less than a minute, turn into....An Incident. An Incident is something that will cause you at the very least, Low Level Embarrassment that will last you an evening- and at the worst, Mighty Monstrous Mortification that will last you an entire lifetime. I had one of the former this afternoon. (Stories of my various Mighty Monstrous
Mortifications are carefully preserved in the dusty back room in the Library Of My Brain and going through those annals is
definitely For Another Day.)
So anyway, on to the Low Level Embarrassment of today.
I work at a fairly small institution (of the intellectual, not the mental, variety thank you very much), where you get to know everyone by sight if not by name. There's a professor at said institution that I have to be in contact with fairly often due to the particular nature of my servitude. He's a very nice person...older, ponytail,
Birkenstocks, and T-shirt everyday without fail- in other words, Total Aging
Hippy and Not Anyone I'd EVER Be Attracted To (so put those thoughts away you sicko). He's just one of those relaxed and confident Cool People...one of those people who if they talk to you in a more personal manner, you feel like YOU'RE cool too- cause you must be if this person is taking the time to converse.
Well, I've seen this person several times in my neighborhood, but keep forgetting to ask him if he lives around there- so today I when I saw him walking along the sidewalk when I turned onto my street I thought to myself:
Hmmm, I should say hi. That wouldn't be too hard would it?
Well, those could be considered the proverbial Famous Last Words, because it not only was apparently Too Hard for me, but it also turned into a full blown Incident.
First of all, I'm in a car, so right away this interaction is not going to be simple. Am I a Yells-to-People-on-the-Side-of-the-Road kind of person? No. I very much am not, but for some reason today I lost my senses and decided that I WAS one of those people. (Probably because I actually exercised after work today and apparently my Body and Brain can not be trusted to work in any sort of
conjunction.)
Now...if the fact that I was about to yell to someone (who I don't know that well) on the side of the road wasn't an embarrassing enough procedure...it was complicated by the fact that I was also situated BEHIND him due to the two cars in front of me at the light. (Although, to clarify, this is not some busy intersection- it's a tiny one in my small city neighborhood. But
still...)
So...against any better judgement (that wouldn't be MY better judgement, since I obviously don't have any)...down goes the window and...
and...
...(takes deep breath)...
I YELL HIS NAME.
Instead of ignoring me like he probably should have...he swings around and...
..that's right...
I WAVE FRANTICALLY.
More than once. Probably about three times, which could be considered in such a small time frame- A Continuous Frantic Wave. Like out of the three possible cars, he's not going to see the one where the crazy person is waving hysterically.
That's when it really starts to go downhill. Wait, you say...worse than you have already made it for yourself? Yes, my friend...worse than I have already made it for myself.
Because
now I think:
'Oh, maybe he doesn't see me through my windshield!' (
Despite the fact that he's looking in my direction and my window is the customary Made of Clear Glass variety.) 'I think I should wave out of my sunroof!'
Well,
ok, that might not have been TOTALLY horrid,
except... my sunroof was not open. NOR had my sunroof been open more than maybe..
maybe...twice this whole summer.
Why did I think it would be open now? That I can not tell you my friends.
So my hand goes up with the amount of enthusiasm it had just demonstrated when waving (i.e. frantic and
hysterical) and...that's right...crashes with a audible and somewhat painful 'THUMP' against the glass of my Almost Never Used Sunroof.
Sigh.
So then...because I can't just leave it there... I can't just leave The Embarrassing List at a mere FOUR...including but not limited to:
1. Yelling loudly from car to Person Minding Their Own Business on the Sidewalk.
2. Waving frantically.
3. Thinking person cannot see me through glass.
4. Slamming hand against Closed and Always Closed Sunroof.
I...(wait for it)...
TELL HIM WHO I AM.
As in...(wave, wave, THUMP, wave, wave)..."It's Hope!"
Wow. There's really nothing to say to that other than what he said which was:
"I can see that."
DOH!
Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.
"Um...right...well, uh...I've seen you walking here a couple times so I...uh...do you live around here?"
Turns out he does and was polite enough to make brief small talk (I had to watch for cars coming up behind me since I was blocking the way with this ridiculous display of well...ridiculousness), but seriously. Wow.
Smooth. Smooth all the way. If there was a
SmoothFest in Smooth Town with a Grand Smooth Award given at the end, I would most certainly be the Grand Smooth Award Winner. Just call me
Smoothy McSmootherson.
So....so much for being in the Cool Club. Tomorrow I'm back to
eatin' lunch with the Freaks and Geeks- which...let's be honest...is probably a much safer place for me to be.
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Note from 2012: I still work at the same place. I still have to see this person. Four years later I still think of this every time I see him. Blimey.
